Blurred Headlines

It occurred to me recently that I might be underestimating my accomplishments on a daily and weekly basis. I’ve come across evidence that what I’ve always considered to be “just doing my job” as the wife of a softball coach, mother of four teenagers, and employee of several, might be significantly more than that. I might be selling myself a little short. In fact, I dare say I may be absolutely killing it in the “rough life” department, that is, if I measured my daily challenges against those of say, Jennifer Garner. Now, I’m not trying to pick on someone going through a public divorce from a guy who slept with the hot nanny that she hired with her own two eyeballs. And I know she doesn’t write these headlines, but here’s the headline I saw the other day in the news:

“Jennifer Garner braves the rain to grab groceries in LA.”

Wait, what? If that’s news worthy, maybe the paparazzi should follow me around for a week and document my life. I’m fairly certain I could give that headline a run for its money. Heck, being a writer and all, I’ll save the paparazzi the trouble of stalking me and just write my own headlines:

• “Lisa Lucke wears two left flip-flops into Big 5 because she left the house with no shoes on and had to use what was in the way back of the Suburban.”
• “Lisa Lucke risks all by dropping off kid at school wearing only a t-shirt and a smile, passes motorcycle cop parked near campus, then suffers mild anxiety attack when he pulls out behind her and follows her for three blocks.”
• “Lisa Lucke rear-ends a short bus going up a steep hill at 15 mph.”
• “Lisa Lucke endures yet another re-telling of the story about a gigantic black widow spider that nearly took her husband’s thumb off it weren’t for his catlike reflexes.”
• “Lisa Lucke beats back third migraine in one week trying to understand the politics of softball.”

And that’s just my personal life. My work life could surely be headline worthy, if only someone would take note. I mean, I do work from home, but so what. That doesn’t mean it’s a cake walk. Sometimes it’s a pie walk, depending on what’s sitting downstairs on the kitchen counter. What many people don’t know is that I work as an editor in the electronics manufacturing industry. You try reading about PCBs all day. Yeah, that’s what I thought: You don’t even know what a PCB is. That makes two of us.

I’m also a freelance writer. Mostly, I write stuff for people’s websites. Sometimes it’s easy, and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes I have an hour to become a mini-expert on antibiotic resistance or the benefits of pre-natal aqua aerobics and then write 2000 words about it. And don’t get me started on the tremendous stress I’m under processing the guilt I feel for those days where I hit the couch for a power nap. It’s a lot of pressure! And sure, my non-approved OSHA breaks are whenever I say they are, but they typically include laundry, meal prep, and three times a week, getting my ass kicked by a sadistic trainer whose name shall not appear in this sentence. Dominic.

So for all those reasons and a lot more if I had time to think about it, I could easily provide a few work-related headlines to rival poor Jennifer’s hard times:

• “Lisa Lucke pulls off yet another explanation of what a printed circuit board is to someone who doesn’t sever his own head just to make his ears stop working.”
• “Lisa Lucke endures five days at a trade show in the electronics manufacturing industry without killing anyone, except her liver.”
• “Lisa Lucke masters the art of multi-tasking by bikini waxing while participating in a company-wide Skype meeting (audio only).”

So while I’m not complaining about my life, I think I’ve definitely earned a higher ranking than Jennifer on the “People Who are Noteworthy” list. I think it’s also safe to say she wouldn’t want to trade places with me, not for one day, even if it is to escape the torture of soggy jaunts to Whole Foods Market for pre-prepared meals for her family.

And now, I think I’ll try to make that final push from Camp 3 to the summit of Clean Laundry Mountain before it’s time for a little mid-morning pie.