At 5:15 p.m. on a recent Monday, my husband asked me, “What time is dinner?” For some reason, it struck me as odd. After all, it’s a question that’s been asked one fucktrillion times in this house, though less often now that we are barren. I … [Read more...]
The Surreal Housewife Blog
Welcome to my blog. Now laugh and tell all your friends.
Thanksgiving 2021: Rectangles for the Win!
I’ve never been afraid of going off-script when it comes to making holiday dinners – or any dinner for that matter, and this year I’m going Full Metal Jacket on my family. I have no idea what that means, but what I am trying to say is that I’m not … [Read more...]
Here Comes the Sun
The last quarter of her junior year, and a pre-dawn drop off at the airport for an early Easter morning flight to her home 2000 miles away. A long, curbside hug goodbye after an extended visit home – three weeks instead of two. Tender admonitions, … [Read more...]
The Roaring 20s
As my four technically grown children insist on continuing to get older - grow up as it were - I have no choice but to keep revisiting how this feels. What I have noticed recently is that the feeling won’t stay still long enough to actually put a … [Read more...]
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Since the beginning of this whole COVID-19 fucked up fiasco, which I’ve renamed FUF-20, I’ve been thinking things and wondering if other people are thinking them too. For example, how many people reading this have seriously considered having a … [Read more...]
Virus, Schmirus!
I’ve got this. It took me a couple weeks, but I finally wrangled this dismal situation into submission like a cowboy gets a cow to submit. That actually sounds a little kinky, but this is no time to judge cows. Back to my story. Yesterday, I had my … [Read more...]
Stranger in the Mirror
Turns out, when faced with a life-altering situation like a health pandemic, I’m not exactly who I thought I was. In fact, I’ve caught myself doing things that are so out of character in the last three weeks since being mostly housebound, stressed … [Read more...]
Finally, a plan
I’m not sure what the shelf life is for “What are you doing with all your free time now that the kids are gone?” but I’m still hearing it on a regular basis, and we’re entering year two. That’s the second year of a clean, fresh-smelling, private … [Read more...]
Home Alone
Here we are, just past the half-year mark without any referees, wardens, or ADHD pushers, a.k.a., children, underfoot. For 13 years we all lived under the same roof, and that was plenty, I mean, perfect. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. No more … [Read more...]
Helping, not helping
New patient paperwork. The very idea of it gives me a tummy ache that I probably should see a specialist for. How is it in this day and age we don’t all have a secret little online portal where we simply sign a paper, one little bitty signature line, … [Read more...]
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